I consume much too much news. I believe that if I don’t, I’ll miss the Second Coming, a Tsunami that is spreading, an impending meteor, rising glacier meltwater, a solar flare that might fry me, an alien invasion, or the upcoming terror assault that has been predicted for the last four years. I listen to much too much Heavy News because I don’t want to miss these occurrences.
Beause I watch much too much news, and I am well-versed in beheadings and bodies covered in bullets. I have much too much knowledge about body parts and vehicle explosives. They discovered a couple dozen skulls in crates a few days ago in Iraq. This is not how you advance in battle. I wish I didn’t, but I am aware of it. Where the rest of them went makes me wonder. I only have this knowledge because I watch and listen to the news much too often.
I have way too many opinions on way too many things. I used to listen to Limbaugh, but I don’t think he always believes himself, and O’Reilly simply comes out as far too repressed, furious, and smart assy for my liking. Nevertheless, I am aware of both men since I consume far too much news. It was interesting to learn that they aren’t as morally upright as they would have me believe after hearing a few things about their personal life in the press. I heard about that in the news. You know, I listen to much too much. Air America is what I listen to. If ever there was a newsworthy group, it is it. I enjoy them. I enjoy them even if they terrify me to death. They mention everything about the government and this administration that makes me think about them based on the other stuff I’ve read. They give me the impression that my ideas about all the other news I read are at least reasonable. I don’t feel as isolated in my response to all the news that I have been reading far too much, at least.
I have much too much knowledge about politicians, especially Republican ones who like Jesus. Some of them appear to enjoy starting wars more and more as a means of hastening his coming, or something. They also make love, but it seems like they do it frequently with the wrong individuals or even the wrong sex. Oh my God, but I read about it in the news. According to what I’ve read, Mrs. Bush just left the White House because the President was having fun with, well, others. Wow, that is some very significant news. I didn’t see it on Fox or AOL, so who knows whether it’s news or if it is news but not for the general public. I won’t see this news in the news, according to some reports, because they won’t make it news, thus I assume we lose. Oh my goodness, the news even suggests that this President may not even be the legitimate leader of the country and that many individuals, mostly Democratic supporters, had their ballots tossed out. That would be sad, yet it seems to be the case. I’ve heard it twice on the news that it’s real.
I know far too much about CEOs that steal way too much from everyone else to benefit themselves thanks to the news. I mean a LOT of them do. I learn through the Heavy News how much money Congressmen and Representatives syphon from the public coffers, but CEOs are also getting pretty damn adept at it. In the news, I notice it. Birthday celebrations costing a million dollars and retirements that would make God envious since he no longer owns all the livestock on a thousand hills.